Safe Speed Forums

Blimey,Zipps,that trophy must be worth more than we imagined...

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.

Not half Grabs, the price of gold has gone very silly now bought a villa in Playa Blanca wif own pool wif the proceeds Just to show my appreciation I am prepared to offer a generous discount to forum members if they'd like to rent it for holidays

Anyway ... I am really on me hols and there is the small matter of this large sitting in front of me in an ice cold glass .... half eight at night, still in shorts n t-shirt afer an afternoons snorkeling in the sea watching the fishes, now down the pub having a long cool one ..... luverly

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

Well now you have let the cat out of the bag and everyone will want to win it now !

Sounds like a wonderful place. Rarely been abroad really and never 'just on holiday' it must be fun.

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Safe Speed for Intelligent Road Safety through proper research, experience & guidance.

Not when they find out the trophy is now a resin moulding painted with gold Hammerite they won't



It's a lovely place yup very peaceful and quiet, climate during winter is rather pleasant There's very little bad behaviour, I've only seen one person the worse for wear .... a middle aged lady! .... there's hadly any mosquitoes, few flies, no poisonous bitey things, great volcanic scenery, lovely beaches, warm sea for swimming, waves for surfing, and its only 3.5 - 4 hours flying time away .... what's not to like Yup it is fun, you should give it a go

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

Sounds idyllic ! Sold now just gotta raise the funds !

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Safe Speed for Intelligent Road Safety through proper research, experience & guidance.

Zippo finally could take no more of all that sun, sand, sea, cold beers, long rum & cokes etc. etc etc etc, and is now back home, he'll get around to judging the comp asap, or more likely when he finds out where his wig blew off to when he first set foot outside the airport on the return trip

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

Hurry up I need that trophy to hock for Xmas pressies. Sorry can't send the usual bribes this time round but times are hard you know!
I will be thinking of you over Xmas in the Seychelles (if I get the trophy and hock it in time) if that's any consolation to helping me win.....

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.

Just had a look back ,Zippo - right national trait -wrong City - I'd suggest if in Scotland ,it'd be Aberdeen ( Hence why they're called th "mean yins".If in England , it'd be 50p lost somewhere in Yorkshire ( THEY'RE NOT TIGHT ,JUST CAREFULL), or in parts of London ,it'd be 50 OLD PENCE .

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lets bring sanity back to speed limits.
Drivers are like donkeys -they respond best to a carrot, not a stick .Road safety experts are like Asses - best kept covered up ,or sat on

Indeed, I agree, Aberdeen might well have been a better choice to illustrate the lower limits Scottish generosity

Last time I was in Aberdeen someone tried to insist on giving me something for free he looked very ill mind you, too much methinks and I actually really didn't want the contents of his stomach no matter how much he insisted a bit of very fancy footwork was required to avoid the resulting pavement pizza going all down my front

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

Sorry about the rather long delay here folks, the only excuse I have is, life the universe and everything seems to be plotting against me these days when it comes to having time for 'stuff'.

It was seriously really difficult to judge as I had to actually read all the captions and decide the one that tickled me most .... nobody sent any decent inducements .... very disappointing folks, whatever happened to good old fashioned bribery and corruption .....

Sooooooo without more ado .... or even adon't .... roll the drums cue thems trumpet thingies used at royal do's etc. ..... the winner is .......

Ernest Marsh with .... "CAPITA admit that the new traffic system was actually a ring on the map caused when a member of the planning team put his coffee mug down on a junction!"

Well done Ernest

Close behind ..... very close actually!! .... were .... in no particular order .....

Big Tone with - "Bug in popular Sat Nav software causes havoc."

Graball with - "what do you mean. you'll miss your tram ?...it's parked in front of us."

Graball with - "Billboard sticker to mate......"funny, this part of town used to be traffic free, until we started putting posters of Kyle in her underwear, up!"

Botach with - "SEE-told you not to believe the sat nav that this was shortest route"

Mole with - "A BRAKE spokesman commended the government on its new "Zero speed = Zero accidents" policy."

Graball with - "I don't believe it!....That bl@@dy speed camera's just flashed me!"

Some very good entries there, a great big thank you to everyone who took part

I have the real trophy in secure storage at the moment, probably best if I just leave it there for safe keeping and send a replica to Ernest eh?

...... sorry Grabs that holiday in the Seychelles will just have to wait

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

Well done , Ernest......

Oh well it looks like I will have to un-book that holiday I had planned in the New year.....

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.

Well Done Earnest

There have been many laughs had from all this years captions ! Well Done to everyone.
Perhaps we may see things that we can photograph/video ourselves on the roads (inc videos) and provide comments.
I had police stop the main trunk road the other day ensure everyone pulled well over, for an enormous (waste of money GRRRR) wind farm piece of gunk, then the chap driving sensibly decided to get all the vehicles to go (just as I was ready to film it pass by me!) and so I had to drive past it, but it was all such a mitigated mess ! It would have been worth many comments!
The Escort Driver clearly was not in good communication with the load driver and the Police seemed to be doing their own thing too - blind leading the blind springs to mind! If there had been a good place to stop then I would have done that. The queue behind the vehicle was about a mile long. So much for helping the economy!

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Safe Speed for Intelligent Road Safety through proper research, experience & guidance.

Reminds me of a (good ) few years ago , ( before the avent of the M1/M6 /A14 interchange) , when to get ot KINGS Lynn , it was necessary to go thtough Leics etc . Once out in the counrty often long queues formed . I always had a map opened an found side roads .Every time it hapened ,I found PC plod on escort duty with a large load . What me laugh was that a year or two later there was a purge on farmers causing problems by not pulling over to let piled up traffic past . Then came the interchange ,which removed the need to go via Leics ( and alleviating the jams).And then came the cameras on the A14 - Peterboro road ,causing similar problem of congesation as no one felt safe passing anything 9 for fear of incurring the wrath of the SCP) .
Anyway - congrats Earnest .

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lets bring sanity back to speed limits.
Drivers are like donkeys -they respond best to a carrot, not a stick .Road safety experts are like Asses - best kept covered up ,or sat on

I hadn't realised I had won until today, when I got a PM reminding me that I had been handed the baton - or was it a poisoned chalice... anyhow sorry about the delay - a new competition will be starting shortly!

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Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!

Ah - An oportunity for me to get a quickie in then from here while we're waiting


The Saxon Wasp or Dolichovespula saxonica is a species of the genus Yellowjacket and in evolutionary terms it was because two weren’t enough and four was too many. For what exactly, I don’t know.

Their eyesight is poor but sense of touch is good, so it’s a way of identifying friend from foe. Eric, the joker amongst their wasp camp, once wore a German helmet for a laff and promptly got killed.

Is it like a QI question Ernest, whereby the answer is nobody knows?

Protection and defence; in another million years its head will have developed into that of a little Triceratops.

They fall off in spring and collect them all to make a play pen for the kids.

It’s a female wasp and those are where its boobies are. (You can't argue with nature).

Microscopic bananas are grown there for miniscule people.

They’re just really prone to cists.

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The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

He needs a hair cut...unless it's a she...

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.