Safe Speed Forums

I'm only sinking to try and find where you are Grabs. I'm currently bidding for a diving bell on eBay.

Me: "Was that Steve who just went by after he said let's push the boat out this time with a new car".

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The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

Rachel's previous experience was in leading Kayak trips for students on the Duke of Edinburgh Award Scheme.
Unfortunately it counted for nothing when she offered to guide several motorists who had got lost!

Chewits intended to build on the success of their advert where the monster ate Barrow in Furness bus depot... only to discover somebody had beaten them to it with their slogan, "Taste the Rainbow of Fruit Flavours"

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Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!

Wife to hubby in convoy, "it's OK, the car was overheating anyway"
and in response "Yeah but love, I don't think all our friends cars were overheating !"

"Now remember lights on when entering water and check your brakes afterwards".

Report : Ferry stops too quickly and cars alight 'early' !

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Safe Speed for Intelligent Road Safety through proper research, experience & guidance.

There goes the myth that all Volkswagens float.

Last year we camped in tents and got flooded out while we slept, so this years we decided to sleep in our cars ....

The new guy at the car wash thought he could impress his new boss and carried out his idea for increasing throughput ....

The new EU directives states that all cars have to provide adequate homes for marine creatures in the event of car ferries sinking, testing continues.

Mafia testing to see which cars sink fastest!!

Edited to add ...

Mafia boss to underling: "Listen Tone, when ya dump da cars with da bodies in in da river, gonna make sure da f***ing river is f***ing deep enough"!!

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

When the reservoir was drained for maintenance, a neatly parked row of cars appeared, chief engineer Mick MacSpanners swears they were not there when they flilled it up threee years ago.

As the sea level dropped and Atlantis re-appeared after millennia, it became instantly apparent they were much more technologically advanced than we had first thought.

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

"If those had been Dinky toys, you could have got 20 or 30 to the gallon easily!"

Gary thought that a bit of extra air in the tyres would help them float...! Now he remembered that he had failed O Level Physics!

When the river burst it's banks, Nigel had congratulated himself on buying an amphibious car... until he realised he had not secured it to anything, and it had floated away!

The water polo team parked their vehicles where they could keep an eye on them, after being told it was a high crime area.
Turns out they were told it was a high TIDE area!

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Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!

Fiord Cars states : We have even tried our cars above and below ground and found that the new energy methods work extremely well, giving drivers a whole new experience. We look forward to working with all the Sat Nav companies to plot new routes now to be had underwater.
Local Councillor Jim stated "We think this excellent and many new jobs will result, great for the economy and relieve our congested roads, no end, yes there will be costs to monitor the seafloor-ways, and Low-ways (or Low-waves as they are becoming known as), but we are sure it is money well spent" He added "We can also easy monitor the routes through modern technology and policing is no bother as we have subs that can provide excellent cover."
A cynic against their new under-water-ways and technology, stated "We think they have not thought this through, how are people going to take a break, how can the Service stations operate, inventive yes but ill thought out" ....
(never mind the people in the cars - hey !)

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Safe Speed for Intelligent Road Safety through proper research, experience & guidance.

Architect firm boss: "Remember those houses we built that floated in flood conditions?"
Architect firm worker: "Yes"
Architect firm boss: "How where they anchored?"

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

Mac: “See, I said we should have taken a canoe”

Gertrude: “Oh, I though you said ‘a gnu’. I thought to myself 'I wonder where you’re going to get one of them from at short notice’ ”

Mac: “No, id’s my cold”

Gertrude “Your cod? What good is a cod? Speak up, you know I’m partially deaf”

Mac: “You’re so spotty it’s like kissing a Lego set!”

Gertrude: “I just turned my hearing aid on” SMACK!

Mac: "OUCH!"


I saw you sneak a little ‘Tone’ thing in there earlier Zippo

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The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

No offence meant Tone, just that the name ... for me anyway ... sounds ideal for a gangster ... lol

I hate posting from work as have to indulge in a lil subversion to be able to do so at all ... all internet traffic is monitored here and SS isn't an approved site. But the way I get round it and get on the site without the fact being recorded means the browser has no Javascript enabled so I can't use smileys easily .... grrrr.

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

I know just what you mean Zippo... but I cannot bring myself to mention the name of the Mafia underboss in the Simpsons in case Tone gets upset!! Some epeople can be s o o o.. sensitive!

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Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!

Oi you two!

All I meant was Zippo should have said Antonio, since he's meant to be mafia.




Arnold: "I just knew I should have taken two dolphins today Helen".

Helen: "Awe how sweet you're thinking of me Arnie"

Arnold: "Er no! They're both for me, one under each arm.

Helen: "Oh don't be like that honey, you know I'd swim across an ocean of p1ss for just one of your warm loving embraces".

Arnold: "Yeah, whatever".



It was shortly after that unwise reply Arnold was to attend A&E with his severed penis in a bucket of ice...

I think I missed my true vocation Grabs.

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The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

Rolling on the floor here but whatever that has to do with a line of cars in water, I'll never know....lol

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.

Do you write the plot for Eastenders, by any chance, Tone?

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.

No, the mafia underboss in the Simpsons is called Fat Tony!

We cannot re-write history just because you might be sensitive about your weight, Antonio!

Antonio sounds more like a character in Romeo and Juliet than the Mafia - and you DO advertise yourself as a lover!

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Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!

The two dolphins bit dude. And then I extrapolated a bit and maybe got a bit inappropriate soz.


I don't watch any soaps but I'm sure my grandaughter could do better than some of the plots I have seen on there when forced to watch it.

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The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

I think he has developed it into what passengers might be saying as they have been there a long time awaiting rescue ...

and thinking of that :

Rescue worker "so then how are we going to fish them all out"
Rescue boss "Easy there is another ferry along in a minute and like a basking shark it is going to scoop them all up"
worker "bit of a prize pollock then !"

[hardly my best ... probably ought to think it out more !]

The latest Apprentice candidates are in a rush to seek out the freshest ingredients for their latest task, but fail to catch anything....
but sunken spirits ....

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Safe Speed for Intelligent Road Safety through proper research, experience & guidance.

Helen: “Hey Arnie! I appreciate you have my best intentions at heart and you were right, it is warmer and dry back here in the boot. But it’s been two days now and I really need the loo. It doesn’t feel like the car’s moving either. Arnie! Arnold!! Can you hear me?”

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The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

"If you'd had a phone with a video camera on it, we could have been on YouTube, as it is we have had to make do with a crummy caption competition!"

_________________
Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!

Wow this is gonna be a tough one to judge....so many great entries and from a range of entrants....brilliant....

_________________
My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.