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Please excuse the length of this post but I hope that, in describing my sad experience in detail, I may be able to save someone else from my misery. Failing that, it may serve as a warning to anyone who still believes that the DVLA are anything other than the shock troops in the Government's war on motorists.
It all began in May 2003. I was driving toward London on the empty M11 motorway at about 12:30 am on a clear night, when I was flashed by the GATSO that "guards" the junction with the M25. It was a fair cop: they'd dropped the speed limit to 50 mph and I was doing 65 (I'll leave aside the fact that there is no reason for this speed limit to be in operation outside of busy hours; having one's pocket picked by cash-obsessed local councils is just an occupational hazard of motoring in Britain).
Given the trivial nature of my "offence," I expected, at most, a fixed penalty notice to arrive in the post. I was therefore rather surprised when I got a letter advising me of the court's intention to prosecute me for my crime. Clearly, Britain is such a peaceful and law-abiding country that the courts have abundant time and resources to concern themselves with cases like mine.
My court date was set for 23 December last year, but in early December, I moved to a new house. In order to forestall the accusation that my driving licence contained the wrong address (and the associated £400 fine), I duly applied to the DVLA for a new licence (which required me to send them my old one).
With the speed and efficiency for which they are rightly renowned, the DVLA sat on my licence application for nearly a month. I was therefore obliged to inform the court that I was unable to produce my licence at my "trial." The court made me jump through all sorts of hoops before they finally got in touch with the DVLA and established that yes, indeed, my licence was being processed by them. I wrote to the DVLA, informing them of my upcoming prosecution and advising them that the result may be the addition of some points to my licence. So everyone was in the picture. I thought.
My trial day finally arrived (after the months of date changes, threatening letters and "offenders" advice leaflets telling me what clothes I should bring if I thought I might be sent to jail) and I was given....wait for it....a £60 fine. No mention was made in court of a "fixed penalty" or any points being applied to my licence, so I thought that perhaps this was a tacit admission that the circumstances of my crime made it clear that I had not been driving in an inappropriate manner.
When my new licence arrived from the DVLA in early January and it too was free of points, I considered myself to have had a lucky escape and thought no more about it. My job requires me to spend extended periods out of the country, so I left the UK in mid-January 2004 (relieved that my little brush with the law was finally cleared up) and did not return until July.
Here's where the fun begins.
Upon my return, I found a typically arrogant and threatening letter from the DVLA, advising me that, since I had not sent my licence to them for endorsement, they had revoked it. Not suspended, mind, revoked. I was further advised that, if I did not send my licence to them immediately, they would get the police to come and take it from me (presumably, by force). If I wished to "appeal" their decision, I could go to court.
I immediately wrote to the DVLA (I tried phoning first, but they have a very sophisticated system for telling you precisely nothing in a menacing tone of voice), explaining that the reason why I had not sent them my licence at the time of my court hearing was because they already had it. The DVLA's response was ungrammatical, wordy and poorly spelled, but it boiled down to "you're licence was being processed by a different department and we don't talk to them, so you're stuffed matey."
So it was back to court. After months of waiting, I finally had my hearing last Friday. I appealed against the DVLA's ruling but, to my shock, the court upheld it. Even though the mistake was entirely the DVLA's, I had apparantly failed in my duty to provide them with an address at which they could contact me. That failure on my part, apparently, justfied the DVLA in doing whatever they wanted to me.
Given that I spend much of my time working at a variety of client sites around the world, I would have to renew my licence every six weeks to comply with this requirement. I would also be unable to rent cars while abroad, because I'd be constantly waiting for my new licence to arrive from the DVLA. Or maybe I should have asked the DVLA for an "account manager" who would be solely responsible for tracking my whereabouts, on the off-chance they should need to contact me.
I am having difficulty understanding what this ruling means for UK drivers (so does my solicitor, for that matter). Can the law really reqire that we apply for a new driving licence whenever we go on holiday, visit friends for an extended period or work away from home for a few months, just in case the DVLA needs to get in touch? If so, the DVLA had better invest in far more efficient systems than it currently uses to handle the processing of hundreds of millions of new licence applications every year.
So there we are. I can no longer legally drive a motor vehicle. If I want to drive again, I will have to retake my driving test. The fact that I have never had an accident in over 25 years of driving and have never previously been convicted of any motoring offence (including parking tickets), carries no weight. I am clearly a danger to other road users and must be stopped.
I compare my experience with that of a colleague who was stopped for dangerous driving early last year, found to be drunk, and who had his licence suspended for a year. He has now had his licence returned and is happily pootling around the highways of Britain. He didn't need to retake his test. I, on the other hand, may never be allowed to drive again.
It seems that, in common with most fascist organisations, the DVLA saves their greatest rage and most draconian punishments for those who commit offenses against bureaucracy. After all, killing someone by driving dangerously is far less serious than making some DVLA functionary inerrupt his/her afternoon nap to write a threatening and abusive letter, isn't it? Just like Germany under Nazi rule, failure to produce "your papers" on demand is the real crime.
All together now, Seig Heil!
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