Safe Speed Forums

"Heeeeyyyy man, dats reaaal good sh*t, I'd swear I can see a line of cars in a pond, gimme another hit and maybe they'll fly"

Lottery winner and car nut Colin McNaebrains thought sunken cars would make unusual & stylish stepping stones for his new garden pond.

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

"Can someone stop Rod Stuart in the front car singing 'I am Sailing' please? I like the guy, (and I think he did go a bit OTT with those ridiculous lycra leopard skin pants in the 70’s), but he's really getting on my last nerve now! 'If you want my body and you think I’m sexy'? Yeah, right Rodders!

Well let me tell you, I may not have your money and I may not have your wealth! And yeah, you’ve enjoyed all the spoils that fame and fortune can provide in this brief mortal coil. But would I swap my life for yours you rich famous nob???

Err, well yeah.. "

Two nuns in the 'Jesus loves me' car moving along as the water creeps up past their belly button and one nun says to the other, "where's/wears the soap" and the other nun says....

Ok, 3rd attempt...

Doris: "Oh Harry, your bladder control is getting rediculous!"

Harry: "I'm trying to win a caption competition here wench! Is that the best you can come up with to win-over Grabs?!!"

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The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

Doris: "I hear Zippo is a member of Braake"

Harry: "Well despite his damn good posts he shouldn't win then!"

Is that libel?

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The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

I'm getting worried now, cos it looks like someone on the judging panel has let slip who's in line for the short list and I'm beginning to suspect vote rigging here...

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.

You're a fine one to talk with your claim to get £9,000's worth of Koy in your garden pond on expenses in a home you don't use!

Oh, hang on... I was thinking of politicians Grabbing. Honest mistake mate

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The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

Damn I've been rumbled .... ok ok I admit it I am a member of BRAKE

B - Brilliantly
R - Ridiculous
A = And
K - Kinky
E = Elastic

I typed the first words with the start lettersI could think of ..... oooerrrr wonder what it means??

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

Gigantic alien says "waiter waiter, there's some cars in my soup".

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The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

Not sure, but I’m put off showering next to you after playing football.

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The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

Wouldn't worry Tone, football isn't really my thing, never did find messing about with balls and shooting/dribbling on a grassy field with 21 other sweaty guys very appealing

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

Bob had devised a very cunning plan to feed his pet pirhanas!!

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

24 other guys - you don't think the ref and linesmen don't get sweaty?

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Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!

The words "UP PERISCOPE" come to mind, but be very careful about the weapons officer, there is a finger on the button, not sure which button though or which finger

At the only level of football I've ever played, ref and linesmen were not really required .... or welcome! ... and there was definitely no need .... or indeed mention of ballboys

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

Well I've finally gotten round to judging this comp. I wish I hadn't left it so long, cos the amount of really good funny lines made it so difficult to judge an outright winner but the First prize has to go to Zippo, both for sheer weight of numbers in the funny lines and these ones in particular that had me rolling about.....



"See if youse lot don't get these piles o junk oot o ma curlin pond afore the season starts .... there's gonna be BIIIIG trouble"

"Mafia boss to underling: "Listen Tone, when ya dump da cars with da bodies in in da river, gonna make sure da f***ing river is f***ing deep enough"!!"


I can't really judge who is next funniest so I've got a joint second place with...

Botach's..... "

"Drivers trying to emulate the Top Gear trio failed to realise that Clarkson & co had sealed all the holes in their cars to make them float ."

Pete317's ....

"One of London Council's more successful attempts to get people out of their cars."

Ernest's .....
"Jean, we had better get back to the car - I just saw a traffic warden pulling on his chest waders and I only put an hour on it!"

and

"The marketing dept. at WD40 realised that Patrick had overstepped the mark with his new campaign to show off the waterproofing qualities of their product. They were also a bit peeved that his green Fiesta was not among the staff cars he had borrowed for the video!"

Mole's ...
"Meanwhile, in Cockermouth, the new Park & Ride scheme was hailed a great succes!"

SafeSpeedv2's...
"Report : Ferry stops too quickly and cars alight 'early' !"

And Robin's .....

"Greenshed merges old and new careers in a last ditch effort to slow down traffic."

On the whole, a load of really funny entries to a competition that I thought might die a death on the first week, it just goes to show....

So over to you Zippo, to set the next comp and see if you can get the gold cup back off Big Tone, from when he won it in 1976, cos I know for sure that I haven't had any luck in doing so....

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.

Well Done Zippo

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Safe Speed for Intelligent Road Safety through proper research, experience & guidance.

Yes well done Zippo I actually predicted you would win it ( I should bet on the horses more).

How old do you take me for That was the year I climbed Snowdon for the first time and got ten degree burns on my back.

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The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

Jings .... I've actually won something, well that's a first! Guess I'll have to change my opinion of Royal Mail now, they must have actually delivered that package to Grabs on time for a change .... enjoy

Wierd, I usualy can't think of many captions for these things .... really rubbish ones at that, and it didn't look like a promising pic, but they just kept on coming this time. Would also like to thank my uncle Billy (Connolly) for his support during the event .... ooops!

I'll have to go look for a suitable new pic now, would just put up one of myself, that sure has attracted some funny comments before now, but I wouldn't like to be responsible for any cracked monitors

I was thinking maybe the rules could be changed a tad this time, written entries will be allowed, in fact they would be prefered, just write your caption on the back of a £20 note and send it to ....... Only one entry per note is allowed, but multiple enties are most welcome.

Tone, please don't take up betting on the GeeGees, I had a relative that did that, what he was really doing was paying the vet bills for an awful lot of very sick animals.

Grabs ... wouldn't recon on ever seeing that gold cup again, have you seen the price of gold lately! and I think Tone bought an expensive new bike a while back, that would have to make you wonder.

I'll get a new pic sorted out asap, meanwhile if you haven't seen this before it is kinda funny, but unfortunately somebody has already filled in the winning caption ....

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

That Greenshedd gets everywhere doesn't he?

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.

" It's all very well you stopping me for speeding, officer but at least I'M not legless..."

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.