Safe Speed Forums

Meanwhile, in Cockermouth, the new Park & Ride scheme was hailed a great succes!

I thought it was the new ride at Alton Towers with all the bright colours and water !


"Artists make boat covers that make the harbour master raise an eyebrow !"

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Safe Speed for Intelligent Road Safety through proper research, experience & guidance.

Join in now ...... Scuba Carring .... the next BIG THING!

"Waiter! .... there's a crab in my soup!"

"When you said you wanted to grow muscles .... I thought we would be going to the gym more often!"

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

Kev's Motor Mart are having a sale - but new recruit Rory misunderstood!

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Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!

Should've gone to SpecSavers ....

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

Now your just going for the shortest funniest line !

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Safe Speed for Intelligent Road Safety through proper research, experience & guidance.

"Whater Mistake!"......

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.

"Yes Brian I'd say it is definitely too late to call Dyno Rod"!

"Did you remember to turn the lawn sprinklers off last night dear?"

Heard in car sales company owner's house: "How many times have I told you not to play with daddy's cars, he's going to be very very cross indeed this time"!!

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

“Will you please stop singing a life on the ocean wave Maud; it’s wearing very thin ”

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The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

Whater to do!

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

Is that the RAC? I think my water pump has packed in...!


"Yeah, I have checked the water in the radiator... and the air intake, and the boot and the footwells and it still overheats!!"

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Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!

"Ok dude, one more try, but if the waters don't part this time there's no way you are Moses re-born"!!

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

Inspired by Zippo's caption...

The Church of St Peter Car Club's attempt to part the sea failed due to one of the participants lack of faith, resulting in negative waves!
A spokesperson said they were not down hearted or hostile to the member whose lapse caused them to suffer wet feet - he said it was all just water under the bridge!

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Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!

Just to lighten things upon the other big thread.....


The annual VorangeA2 mobile sales rep daytrip, becomes a "washout" when Vince, who was leading the trip, gets carried away with a phone call from Camelot, telling him he has won the lottery......

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.

Just to ‘heavy’ things upon the other big thread...

Michael: "Oh knackers! My mobile phone is saturated and I wanted to find out if my mum's cat has still got the squits while I'm trying to drive"

Eileen: "No problem, you can borrow mine"

"Phew! Thanks biddy. I was worried there for a microsecond"

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The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

Things got out of hand at the Pleasure beach, when the new owners decided to enlarge the "Tunnel of Love" ride ready for Big Tones impending visit.
There were several reports of clients getting lost!

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Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!

The unclassified road through Grabsville ford, may not be the best road to travel on from Tonesville to Grabstown but certain people prefer it because they can't get a mobile phone signal using the M554.....

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.

Drive in movie goers enjoying the Sorcerer's Apprentice section of the new 3D production of Disney's Fantasia.

The UK Olympic Extreme Ironing Team practising their in-car underwater routine.

"If it wasn't you that farted, what were those bubbles??"

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

Hilda: “Now remember, when it’s wet you double et.”

Norman: “What about when it comes up to my todger?”

Hilda: “I think you double it for every inch”

Norman: “Every inch of what? ”

Hilda: Don’t be silly Norman, if it was every inch of that we wouldn’t have a problem”

Norman: ""

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The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

"Watch out for that pothole... you cannot see how deep it is when it's filled with water!!

"Bournemouth Sub Aqua Club were happy with their new headquarters, with the exception of the car parking arrangements!"

"Jean, we had better get back to the car - I just saw a traffic warden pulling on his chest waders and I only put an hour on it!"

The marketing dept. at WD40 realised that Patrick had overstepped the mark with his new campaign to show off the waterproofing qualities of their product. They were also a bit peeved that his green Fiesta was not among the staff cars he had borrowed for the video!"

"Navy cut backs had resulted in cheaper simulators to learn on, and the escape tower at Haslar had been replaced with a bath stood on end!"

"Richard had bought the map cheap at a car boot sale - without noticing it was actually a chart! His mates in the car club cursed his stupidity without realising their folly in following him!!"

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Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!