Safe Speed Forums

Sorry about the title but I couldn't think what else to call it.

I don't know if it's just me but I have received many emails with stories about life love and happiness etc. Some are true life stories, others are inspirational. At times they have lifted my spirit or have been thought provoking and these are the ones which I have made a point of saving over the years.

I'm sure I'm not the only one, so perhaps if you have a good one then you may like to post them here.

So, if no-one minds, I'd like to start with these two. Hope you enjoy...


A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, about 2" in diameter.

He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.

He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous - yes.

The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and proceeded to pour the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. "The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else - the small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out for a meal. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house
and fix . "Take care of the rocks first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers.

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A true story this time:

The writer of this poem was unable to speak, but was occasionally seen to write. After her death, her hospital locker was emptied and this poem was found. It's called A Crabbit Old Woman...


What do you see nurses, what do you see?
Are you thinking when you are looking at me,
a crabbit old woman, not very wise,
uncertain of habit with far away eyes.
Who dribbles her food and makes no reply,
when you say in a loud voice, ‘I do wish you’d try’.
Who seems not to notice the things that you do,
and forever is losing a stocking or shoe.
Who unresisting or nor lets you do as you will,
with bathing and feeding the long day to fill.
Is that what your thinking, is that what you see?
Then open your eyes nurse, you’re not looking at me.

I’ll tell you who I am, as I sit here so still.
As I use at your bidding, as I eat at your will.
I’m a small child of ten with a father and mother,
with brothers and sisters who love one another.
A young girl of sixteen with wings on her feet,
dreaming that soon now a lover she’ll meet.
A bride soon at twenty, my heart gives a leap,
remembering the vows that I promised to keep.
At twenty five now I have young of my own,
Who need me to build a secure happy home.

A young woman of thirty, my young now grow fast,
bound to each other with ties that should last.
At forty my young ones, now grown, will soon be gone,
but my man stays beside me to see I don’t mourn.
At fifty, once more babies play round my knee,
again we know children my loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead.
I look at the future and shudder with dread.
For my young are all busy rearing young of their own,
and I think of the years and the love I have known.
I’m an old woman now and nature is cruel,
‘Tis her jest to make old age look like a fool.
The body it crumbles, grace and vigour depart,
there now is a stone where once was a heart.
But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,
And now and again my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys, I remember the pain
And I’m loving and living life over again
I think of the years, all too few – gone too fast,
and accept the stark fact that nothing can last.

So open your eyes nurses, open and see,
Not a crabbit old woman, look closer – see me.

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_________________
The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

_________________
The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

Has anyone heard of or seen this I wonder?

http://www.rogerknapp.com/inspire/schultzphilosophy.htm

_________________
The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

Things I have learned, but not all I have learned

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about 10 minutes, but after that you had better know something.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but the best you can do.
I've learned that it's not what happens to people that's important. It is what they do about it.
I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you a heartache for life.
I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.
I've learned that it is taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I've learned that it is a lot easier to react than it is to think about it first.
I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something to take its place.
I've learned that heroes are people who do what needs to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I've learned than learning to forgive takes practice.
I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.
I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I've learned that sometimes the people you'd expect to kick you when you are down will be the ones to help you get back up.
I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry, I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel or rude.
I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.
I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I've learned that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.
I've learned that your family wont always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again.
I've learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, s/he is going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive her/him for that. And in friendship that works BOTH ways as well.
I've learned that is isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I've learned that no matter how badly your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influences on who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I've learned that when my friends fight, I'm forced to choose sides even when I don't want to.
I've learned that just because two people argue, doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't, doesn't mean they do.
I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of his actions.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It may change your life forever.
I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but who that counts.
I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something entirely different.
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.
I've learned that there are many ways of falling in love and staying in love, and each time love is something different.
I've learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves get further in life.
I've learned that many things can be powered by the mind, the trick is self control.
I've learned that no matter how many friends you have, if your are their pillar you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them the most.
I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people you don't even know.
I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
I've learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.
I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I've learned that the people you care the most about in life are taken from you too soon.
I've learned that the word "love" can have many different meanings and it loses value when overused.
I've learned that it is hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice to keep from hurting other peoples feelings, and standing up for what you believe in.

Author Unknown




ALSO: -



Children Learn What They Live

If
a child lives with criticism,
she learns to condemn.
If
a child lives with hostility,
he learns to fight.
If
a child lives with ridicule,
she learns to be shy.
If
a child lives with shame,
he learns to feel guilt.
If
a child lives with tolerance,
she learns to be patient.
If
a child lives with encouragement,
he learns confidence.
If
a child lives with praise,
she learns to appreciate.
If
a child lives with fairness,
he learns justice.
If
a child lives with security,
she learns to have faith.
If
a child lives with approval,
he learns to like himself.
If
a child lives with acceptance
and friendship, he or she learns
to find love in the world.

Author Unknown

_________________
The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

How am I doing folks?

Does anyone think it's a bad idea?

It is general chat after all but if someone thinks it's a bit silly or anything do please say.

I used to receive them one at a time of course, lunchtime read for a few minutes. Maybe I should just post one a day Or not at all

_________________
The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

I received this quite some time ago now

Dear All:

PLEASE pass this mail on to everyone you know -
even to those you don't know!

It is the request of a special girl who will soon leave this world due to cancer. This young girl has 6 months left to live, and as her dying wish, she wanted to send a letter telling everyone to live their life to the fullest, since she never will. She'll never make it to prom, graduate from high school, or get married and have a family of her own.
It was sent by a medical doctor - Make sure to read what is in the closing statement AFTER THE POEM.

SLOW DANCE


Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,"Hi"
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

_________________
The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

This one made me smile. Not sure if it's actually true though but a great story I think...

It's about Niels Bohr, the Danish physicist and Nobel Prize winner in Physics

During a physics exam one day, young Niels Bohr was asked to "describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer."

"You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer," he replied, "and lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building."

This answer so incensed the examiner that Bohr did not pass his exam. When he appealed, the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case. The arbiter concluded that the answer was correct but did not display any knowledge of physics. Bohr was called in and given six minutes to provide a proper answer.

For five minutes he sat in silence, thinking. When the arbiter reminded him that time was running out, Bohr replied that he had several solutions, but could not decide which to use. At last, he gave this reply:

"You could take the barometer up to the roof of the skyscraper, drop it over the edge, and measure the time it takes to reach the ground. The height of the building can then be worked out from the formula H = 0.5g x t squared.

"Or if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the barometer, then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow. Then you measure the length of the skyscraper's shadow, and work out the height of the skyscraper using proportional arithmetic.

"You could also tie a short piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum, first at ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper. The height is worked out by the difference in the gravitational restoring force T = 2 pi sqroot (l / g).

"If you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, you could use the barometer to measure the air pressure on the roof of the skyscraper and on the ground, and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the height of the building.

"But the best way would be to knock on the janitor's door and say, 'If you would like a nice new barometer, I will give you this one if you tell me the height of this skyscraper!'"

_________________
The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

Last one for today, promise...


Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down to the bottom for the result.

This is not a trick question. It is as it reads.

No-one I know has gotten it right - including me…

A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met this guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing, so much her dream guy she believed him to be just that! She fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and could not find him. A few days later she killed her sister.

Question: What is her motive in killing her sister?

(Give this some thought before you answer).

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Answer: She was hoping that the guy would appear at the funeral again.

If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath.

This was a test by a famous American psychologist used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer.

Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered the question correctly!

If you didn't answer the question correctly, good for you.

If you got the answer correct, please let me know so I can take you off of my e-mail list, unless that will pi$$ you off in which case I'll just be extra nice to you from now on

_________________
The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

One of my favourites - it was set to music in the '70s by American DJ Les Crane...

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.

_________________
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Yes yes! Me too! I remember the song too. I was going to get to that one later but you stole my thunder now

_________________
The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

IF A BEAR FOUGHT A CROCODILE WHICH ONE WOULD WIN ?

Not unlike the Desiderata is Kippling's "If":

If you can keep your head

when all about you are losing theirs

And blaming it on you.

If you can trust yourself

when all men doubt you

But make allowance for their doubting too.

If you can dream and not make dreams your master.

If you can think and not make thoughts your aim.

If you can meet with triumph and disaster.

And treat those two impostors just the same.

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken

And stoop and build'em up with worn out tools.

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch and toss

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss.

If you can force your heart, and nerve, and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone

And so "hold on" when there is nothing on you

except the will which says to them "hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue

Or walk with kings, nor lose the common touch.

If neither foe nor loving friend can hurt you.

If all men count with you ... but none too much.

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

Yours is the earth, and everything that's in it.

And which is more ... You'll be a Man, my son.




....which has long been one of my favourites!

I prefer the more up-to-date version of "If"...

"If you can keep your head
when all about you are losing theirs...

... you don't have a proper grasp of the situation!"

_________________
"Politicians are the same the world over... We build bridges where there aren't any rivers." - Nikita Kruschev

Ok, a short one and a classic from the late great Edna St Vincent Millay whom, in one of her trademark short poems, wrote something which I will admit I am guilty of and a mistake I hope never to repeat- if I ever find love again...

'tis not love's going hurts my days
but that it went in little ways

I read that quote from the first book I ever read from cover to cover none stop and should be mandatory teaching at every secondary school in the world IMHO

My number one book, Dale Carnegie's, How to win friends and influence people.

I would have been about 13 years old when I first read it and would recommend it to anyone, in it's original format, as a bible for life.

The old stories were of people we wouldn't have heard of but that doesn't matter or detract from the meaning or message. Don't buy the new version! It's crap! If you can get the old one it's far better and the characters he talks about are fastinating, all true life. The price, printed on the back, is 45p, in old money of course.

Here's a thought; maybe we should include the most influential book you have ever read and why?

Well, that's mine. Thanks Dale


Ooooh - Someone, can't remember who now soz, recommended a book called Scared to Death a few weeks/months ago. It's taken me this long for my local bookstore to get it but I should have it by this weekend.

Another one to snuggle up to at night sipping Horlicks

There was another someone mentioned too, a member, but I didn't make a note of it and now it's trapped in the aether somewhere

_________________
The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

Hope you enjoy. See if you recognise any of these types or situations in your life ...


New words added to the 2K1 version of the Dictionary


1. Assmosis - The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss.


2. Blamestorming - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.


3. Seagull Manager - A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything, and then leaves.


4. Salmon Day - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.


5. Irritainment - Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example. (I would say Big Brother is the GB equivilent)


6. Chainsaw Consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the brass with clean hands.


7. Career Limiting Move (CLM) - Used among microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.


8. Adminisphere - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.


9. Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.


10. 404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404-URL Not Found," meaning that the requested web page could not be located. Used as in: "Don't bother asking him... he's 404, man."


11. Generica - Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions. Used as in: "We were so lost in Generica that I forgot what city we were in."


12. Ohno-Second - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.


13. Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.


14. Umfriend - A sexual relation of dubious standing or a concealed intimate relationship, as in "This is Dylan, my...um...friend."


15. Body Nazis - Hard-core exercise and weightlifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn't work out obsessively.


16. Cube Farm - An office filled with cubicles.


17. Idea Hamsters - People who always seem to have their idea generators running.


18. Mouse Potato - The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato. (That's me! )


19. Prairie Dogging - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and peoples heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.


20. SITCOMs - What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for "Single Income, Two Children, and Oppressive Mortgage".


21. Starter Marriage - A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.


22. Stress Puppy - A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.


23. Swiped Out - An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.


24. Alpha Geek - The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group.


25. G.O.O.D. Job - A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again. (I would say get out of drab job too - done that - regreted it)

_________________
The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

You may have seen this before. If you're from my generation you will relate to it all: -

According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, kids in the 60's and 70's probably shouldn't have survived....

Our baby cots were covered with brightly coloured lead-based paint which was promptly chewed and licked.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, or latches on doors or cabinets and it was fine to play with pans.

When we rode our bikes, we wore no helmets, just flip-flops and fluorescent 'spokey dokey's' on our wheels.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or airbags - riding in the passenger seat was a treat.

We drank water from the garden hose, not from a bottle, and it tasted the same.

We ate chips, bread and butter pudding and drank fizzy juice with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing.

We shared one drink with four friends, from one bottle or can and no-one actually worried about it.

We would spend hours building go-carts out of scraps and then went top speed down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into stinging nettles a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We would leave home in the morning and could play all day, as long as we were back before it got dark. No one was able to reach us and no one minded.

We did not have Play stations or X-Boxes, no video games at all. No 99 channels on TV, no videotape movies, no surround sound, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no DVDs, no Internet chat rooms. We had friends - we went outside and found them.

We played elastics and rounders, and sometimes that ball really hurt!

We fell out of trees, got bruised and cut, and maybe even broke a bone but there were no law suits.

We had fights but no prosecution followed from other parents.

We played knock-the-door-run-away and were actually afraid of the owners catching us.

We walked to friends' homes. We also, believe it or not, WALKED to school; we didn't rely on mummy or daddy to drive us to school, which was just around the corner.

We made up games with sticks and tennis balls. We rode bikes and wore our coats by only the hood.

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of… they actually sided with the law.

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever. The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all - and you're one of them.

Congratulations!

Pass this on to others who have had the luck to grow as real kids, before lawyers and government regulated our lives for our own good.

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The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

Universal Truths : -


1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when
your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.

5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008
into a calculator - then turned the figures upside down

6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have
a fire in your back garden.

10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.

12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at
the first given opportunity.

19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way
through and then raced against the flush.

21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.

22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

24) You never ever run out of salt.

25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.

26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've
got your hand or head stuck in something.

28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had
their arm broken by a swan.

30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping
on an upturned plug.

31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.

32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of
wood specifically to stir paint with.

33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

34) Bricks are horrible to carry.

35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

36) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it
in a fruit salad.

_________________
The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

9 and 17 are missing?

Are you a numberist?

My suggestion for number 9 is:

It's only OK to use the word "Horrid" if you are a girl between the ages of 8 and 11.

I can't think of anything for the number 17.

_________________
COAST Not just somewhere to keep a beach.

A young loner on a crusade to champion the cause of the innocent, the helpless, the powerless, in a world of criminals who operate above the law.

Well spotted handy, (always the eagle eye), I confess I didn't notice but I'll make up for it with a few jokes...


1) I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?"

2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I
realized, God doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to
forgive me.

3) I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go
swimming.

4) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder.

5) I went to a restaurant the other day that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

6) I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names but one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.

7) My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.

8) I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour
said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough.'

9) If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?

10) I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

_________________
The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

I thought of a number 17:

17. If you find yourself on a stony beach (be it lake, river, stream or sea) you must look around for flattish stones and then attempt to skim them across the water.
17a. When you do find a flattish stone and actually manage to skim it so it bounces more than once, no-one will have been watching so they will not believe you when you claim a triple or quad bouncer.

_________________
COAST Not just somewhere to keep a beach.

A young loner on a crusade to champion the cause of the innocent, the helpless, the powerless, in a world of criminals who operate above the law.